Flash Fiction #3 Just Another Good Deed at Ye Olde Coffeehouse

Hmmm, I wonder if the young, Hipster couple intermittently kissing next to me @ the coffeehouse will notice when I pour my scalding hot tea all over them.

He has now leaned over the table at least twenty times to kiss her in her "Girls" bun.
Buns did exist prior to Lena Dunham and her posse of face jism-ed whores - HELLO! Ever hear of Princess Leia? She may have been a Coke addict at the time of filming Star Wars, but she had CLASS. Not only is she an action figure, but she is a collectible.

Just transformed plastic Coffee stirrer into a homemade Shiv. Learned that move on HBO's "OZ."

He is BEGGING her to leave with him and she is teasing him MASTERFULLY. If she does not get off her ass and go with him - Again - my plastic Coffee stirrer Shiv...

They are holding hands and looking into one another's eyes as they are speaking about something NOT pretentious. He's stroking the top of her hand with his thumb like a pussy.

They actually care about one another and talk about "real" things. Damn, I am going to feel bad about maiming them or, (if he kisses her again)slitting their throats. I'm sure there's a shed behind this joint filled with rotten Seitan I can hide the bodies in.

FUCK ME and the Bjorn Borg I rode in on - ABBA's playing. Now I'm feeling guilty...and nostalgic. I just danced to this same song at my friend's wedding last week...

NOW THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS. Okay, I will spare their lives today. They're lucky I like this goddamn song. It makes me weak...a goddamn softy I am in my old age...

If he leaves her alone at all I am going to tell her to give that boy an old fashioned "Rub and Tug" OR ELSE (while flashing her a peek of my Coffee stirrer Shiv for extra emphasis.)

ABBA! Please inspire these ridiculously cute and passionate and (obviously) sensual young nitwits to leave my coffeehouse. THEY AREN'T EVEN DRINKING COFFEE!!!

The boy just walked up to the counter and I told the girl - "He is so totally in love with you" (I wanted to tell her that the two of them were going to make me vomit soon as I haven't eaten lunch yet, but held back.) Then I said "Can I watch?" HA,HA! No, No I really didn't say that out loud!

The girl answers me "Yeah" - holding back a giant grin as she stands up and buttons her red vintage coat seductively to the half empty room(she's cool - this bitch/tease.)

They are on their way to the park. What is this? A Woody Allen film? It's thirty degrees outside! There isn't a camera crew following you, Selena and Justin! And, by the way, until you get your teeth done, you're not pretty enough to grace the cover of US Magazine, or any other Top Tier Entertainment Periodical.

I hope you both freeze to death holding hands with coffee breath in the park during the blizzard today. That's how Dr. Zhivago should have ended. I hope you are both smiling - happy about being in love. Happy to be in one another's company. Happy to leave this earth as Hipster popsicles...together. Go fuck yourselves and the expensive, hand crafted Dutch bicycle you rode in on.

Just another unaccounted for good deed at Ye Olde Coffeehouse. Don't say I don't care about the youth of today...or love...

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