Robert DeNiro, Bruce Willis, Val Kilmer and Valentine's Day RANTS

DeNiro, Willis and Kilmer

*I'd like Robert DeNiro and Bruce Willis to apologize for the sadness I feel when I see their straight to DVD film in line at the grocery.

*Bruce Willis should invest in those grocery DVD rental machines as he provides the most inventory. He could go halvsies with DeNiro.

*Maybe Bruce Willis can team up with Cybill Shepherd for “Moonlighting 2: The Golden Years? I bet TV Land would pick it up.

*Better: How about a show where Bruce Willis plays an INVISIBLE guy? Like in that movie? He could steal people's socks and watch them freak out!

*DeNiro could have a game show for Mimes called “THE FACE.” You'd have to guess what someone was saying, based solely on their facial expression.

*I'm going to start referring to DeNiro as “FACE(insert Val Kilmer Top Gun teeth chomp) MAN.”

*Based solely on the # of facial gestures available, Robert DeNiro has the greatest chances of replacing Jerry Lewis as France's most beloved comedian.

*Forget Eddie Murphy, DeNiro could have hit Dr. Doolittle OUT OF THE PARK! And he wouldn't have needed a fat suit to get laughs.

*Q: What's scarier? Robert DeNiro peeling an egg with his nail as Satan in Angel Heart? OR Rick Santorum as our next President?

*Q: Who would you rather have whack you? Robert DeNiro or Joe Pesci? Think about it now. They're both on the way to your house.

*Ok, the first person able to tell me the exact number of cigarettes Robert DeNiro smokes in Casino wins an RT!

*Q for Mr. DeNiro: Is “Noodles” your favorite on screen nick name? Do you only take roles where you have a nick name?

*Robert DeNiro: Juliette Lewis sucking your finger on screen...well, I still have nightmares. Rather you torture me with the “Fockers” Trilogy.

*Ok, just remembered “FACE” was a character on the ATEAM. But I prefer the Val Kilmer/Top Gun analogy. Val was better looking (at the time.) I hope its true he beat Tom Cruise up during filming.

*I do know for a fact that Val Kilmer keeps a pair of Jim Morrison/Doors leather pants on a wall for motivation when he Zumbas at home.

Valentine's Day

* I wish I was single and dating someone just so I could break up with them on this day.

* Starting at thirteen, every Valentine's Day, I would wear all black, drink SoCo out of a paper bag, pass out in a gutter and mourn love. You know how dramatic I get sometimes. Now that I'm older, I've totally eliminated the gutter part. That was stupid.

* I told my daughter writers and poets like Shakespeare paid homage to Valentine's Day. She asked, her face lighting up in only the way a happy six year old's can "So, Shakespeare's like you, Momma?" "Not...Exactly" I answered, though I was flattered, of course...

Popular Posts