Mitt Romney is a Closet Rap Star Rant
Mitt Romney, Closet Rap Star
* Dear Mitt, how soon after the election can I get my sister wives? I am looking forward to the extra time to attend more Hot Yoga classes.
*Breaking news: Mitt cops to Sugar Hill Gang's “Rapper's Delight” on vinyl.
*Romney Vintage Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous video reveals what looks like a Coogi sweater in closet made of gold by heretic slaves
*Breaking news: Romney admits to bootleg “Friday”Ice Cube DVD triology. Knows Ice Cube only as “O'Shea”
*Breaking news: Romeny admits to secret love affair with NWA back up dancer Sheree. Search for bastard Methodist Love Child begins
*Romney's Response “ I vehemently deny ever waxing that ass (Sheree). I only wax cars(I own 50) and records. I admit I love Grandmaster Flash, sue me.”
*Romney “My childhood was stolen from me...and my turntables...from the G*ddam Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints”
*Romney admits to marriage counseling after Naughty By Nature's “OPP” CD found in vintage Sony “Diskman” by wife in 1992.
*Medical reports reveal Romney wrist break from a cardboard box break dance spin back in 1979 while listening to GMF's “The Message.”
*Romney: “I did not do the robot for spare change outside of NYC's Port Authority. I was in fact, spreading the Gospel”
*“I never accompanied Anthony Bourdain to Alphabet City back in the 70's to buy drugs. I was in Kenya doing missionary work at the time” corrects Romney.
*Romney “I did not buy votes by performing armed robberies for that South Boston Shanty Irish mobster while at Harvard Business School..”
*“Let's face it, I'm way better looking than Gingrich, and so are my offspring.”
*“Back at Harvard, if it wasn't the Chronic, I didn't go near it”
*“I admit I offered my mothers/nieces as sister wives to Mike D and Ad-Rock in return for a Check Your Head Producer credit”
*“Correct, I was in fact blackballed from the MTV Raps soundstage. Kurt Loder snuck me in, though. Only cost me $20 and a blow***”
*“I love the state of Florida. Where else can you procure Pythons easily for LDS Church Services?”
*“I was nowhere in Las Vegas when Tupak was shot (East Coast all the way, baby...)
*“No, I did not pay for Lil' Kim's platsic surgery”
*Romney “ No,I did not finance the “House Party” movie franchise. Tried, but I can't get my hair to stick up like Kid N' Play”
*“I did steal Denzel Washington's Kongol hat, though.”
*Romney “Visibly nervous” after Vanity 6 Soul Train performance, “Don Cornelius always got first dibs” Mitt complains.
*Romney “Plans on bringing parachute pants back to the White House”
*Romney “The movie “Car Wash” deeply impacted my political philosophy and record collection”
*Romney “ Newt wants to colonize the moon?,” “Been there, done that via secret LDS spaceship.” “Moonwalk's overrated”
*Mitt Romney present at the birth of Baby Blue Ivy, sources say
*“Indescribable” as visibly moved Godfather Mitt Romney tells reporters “cutting the cord”
*“Nonsense” Mitt Romney argues over allegations of JayZ and Beyonce Hospital tantrums
*“Triple Date” with Jay Z, Beyonce, Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin “Imminent” Romney tells supporters.
*Romney cops to DJ-ing Newt's 2nd – no 3rd wedding reception, Salt and Peppa's “Push It” most requested song of the night.
*Romney in legal battle with Rob Base over the rights to 1988's “Joy and Pain” “Inspired by Scripture” claims Romney.
*Romney still owes Slick Rick money over a craps game gone bad in the alley behind the Apollo Theater back in '85.
*Mitt Romney and Michelle Bachmann duet Positive K's “I Gotta Man” live tonight on Piers Morgan.
*It's okay if you forget who Positive K was. He's good though, trust me.
*Romney announces Secretary of State first choice Mark Wahlburg “This has nothing to do with my connection to the South Boston mob” Romney reiterates “ I just loved when he was Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Plus he never masturbates, unlike Hilary Clinton”
*Romney pays Flavor Flav's child support bills, VH1 reports “We're old friends and I got him in this rap game” Romney defends.
*When asked if Mitt Romney was the inspiration behind her song “ Ain't Nobody,” Chaka Khan replies “No comment”
*When asked who would NOT be invited to the White House, Romney did not hesitate “Will Smith!” #hatesscientologists
*Mitt Romney to keep Snoop Dogg's hairdresser on retainer, sources say #mittwisheshehadbraids
Romney admits Vanilla Ice “Epic Failure” but would have given Milli Vanilli “a second chance.”
*Sources say Romney's extensive diamond jewelry collection “Blood Free”
*Mitt Romney will from now on be known only as “Mitney”
* Dear Mitt, how soon after the election can I get my sister wives? I am looking forward to the extra time to attend more Hot Yoga classes.
*Breaking news: Mitt cops to Sugar Hill Gang's “Rapper's Delight” on vinyl.
*Romney Vintage Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous video reveals what looks like a Coogi sweater in closet made of gold by heretic slaves
*Breaking news: Romney admits to bootleg “Friday”Ice Cube DVD triology. Knows Ice Cube only as “O'Shea”
*Breaking news: Romeny admits to secret love affair with NWA back up dancer Sheree. Search for bastard Methodist Love Child begins
*Romney's Response “ I vehemently deny ever waxing that ass (Sheree). I only wax cars(I own 50) and records. I admit I love Grandmaster Flash, sue me.”
*Romney “My childhood was stolen from me...and my turntables...from the G*ddam Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints”
*Romney admits to marriage counseling after Naughty By Nature's “OPP” CD found in vintage Sony “Diskman” by wife in 1992.
*Medical reports reveal Romney wrist break from a cardboard box break dance spin back in 1979 while listening to GMF's “The Message.”
*Romney: “I did not do the robot for spare change outside of NYC's Port Authority. I was in fact, spreading the Gospel”
*“I never accompanied Anthony Bourdain to Alphabet City back in the 70's to buy drugs. I was in Kenya doing missionary work at the time” corrects Romney.
*Romney “I did not buy votes by performing armed robberies for that South Boston Shanty Irish mobster while at Harvard Business School..”
*“Let's face it, I'm way better looking than Gingrich, and so are my offspring.”
*“Back at Harvard, if it wasn't the Chronic, I didn't go near it”
*“I admit I offered my mothers/nieces as sister wives to Mike D and Ad-Rock in return for a Check Your Head Producer credit”
*“Correct, I was in fact blackballed from the MTV Raps soundstage. Kurt Loder snuck me in, though. Only cost me $20 and a blow***”
*“I love the state of Florida. Where else can you procure Pythons easily for LDS Church Services?”
*“I was nowhere in Las Vegas when Tupak was shot (East Coast all the way, baby...)
*“No, I did not pay for Lil' Kim's platsic surgery”
*Romney “ No,I did not finance the “House Party” movie franchise. Tried, but I can't get my hair to stick up like Kid N' Play”
*“I did steal Denzel Washington's Kongol hat, though.”
*Romney “Visibly nervous” after Vanity 6 Soul Train performance, “Don Cornelius always got first dibs” Mitt complains.
*Romney “Plans on bringing parachute pants back to the White House”
*Romney “The movie “Car Wash” deeply impacted my political philosophy and record collection”
*Romney “ Newt wants to colonize the moon?,” “Been there, done that via secret LDS spaceship.” “Moonwalk's overrated”
*Mitt Romney present at the birth of Baby Blue Ivy, sources say
*“Indescribable” as visibly moved Godfather Mitt Romney tells reporters “cutting the cord”
*“Nonsense” Mitt Romney argues over allegations of JayZ and Beyonce Hospital tantrums
*“Triple Date” with Jay Z, Beyonce, Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin “Imminent” Romney tells supporters.
*Romney cops to DJ-ing Newt's 2nd – no 3rd wedding reception, Salt and Peppa's “Push It” most requested song of the night.
*Romney in legal battle with Rob Base over the rights to 1988's “Joy and Pain” “Inspired by Scripture” claims Romney.
*Romney still owes Slick Rick money over a craps game gone bad in the alley behind the Apollo Theater back in '85.
*Mitt Romney and Michelle Bachmann duet Positive K's “I Gotta Man” live tonight on Piers Morgan.
*It's okay if you forget who Positive K was. He's good though, trust me.
*Romney announces Secretary of State first choice Mark Wahlburg “This has nothing to do with my connection to the South Boston mob” Romney reiterates “ I just loved when he was Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Plus he never masturbates, unlike Hilary Clinton”
*Romney pays Flavor Flav's child support bills, VH1 reports “We're old friends and I got him in this rap game” Romney defends.
*When asked if Mitt Romney was the inspiration behind her song “ Ain't Nobody,” Chaka Khan replies “No comment”
*When asked who would NOT be invited to the White House, Romney did not hesitate “Will Smith!” #hatesscientologists
*Mitt Romney to keep Snoop Dogg's hairdresser on retainer, sources say #mittwisheshehadbraids
Romney admits Vanilla Ice “Epic Failure” but would have given Milli Vanilli “a second chance.”
*Sources say Romney's extensive diamond jewelry collection “Blood Free”
*Mitt Romney will from now on be known only as “Mitney”