Jon Hamm Rant

* "Mad Men" star, Jon Hamm, plays himself on PBS Kids cartoon about a talking dog, "Martha Speaks" today. RE: SIGN FROM GOD I'M GETTING A GREENLIGHT

* PLOT: Animated Jon Hamm on "Martha Speaks" confesses his dreams, to talking dog, Martha, if he didn't "make it" as an actor, while driving a car.

* Animated Jon Hamm on "Martha Speaks" today; PBS Producer literally saved Jon Hamm's ass in dark, early days of his acting career. #priceless #favor

*Writer, PBS Animated show "Martha Speaks": "How do we write in "Mad Men" icon Don Draper into our show about a talking dog? Answer: "He'll drive a car! With the dog in the front seat! And they'll TALK!"

* Jon Hamm, Guest Star of PBS Kids Animated show "Martha Speaks(i.e. a show about a talking dog; a female dog; her name is Martha): "Not gonna have kids, like, EVER, but if I did, MAN!"

* Jon Hamm, Guest, excuse me, "Special" Guest Star of PBS's "Martha Speaks": "I'm not picking up any dog shit. It's in my contract, Manny." Manny, Agent to the actor Jon Hamm, now a "Special" Guest Star on the PBS Kids show "Martha Speaks": "Jon, the dog - it's animated."

* Jon Hamm, negotiating his role for "Martha Speaks": "Want me to smoke?" Manny: "No" Jon Hamm: "Screw?" Manny: "No" Jon Hamm: "Sing?" Manny: "No" Jon Hamm: "Sodomize?" Manny, Agent to the actor of both "Mad Men" and PBS Kids "Martha Speaks," now red in the face: "NO, JON,THIS ISN'T MAD MEN!!!"

* Jon Hamm, cont: "Can I still drive a vintage Thunderbird?" Manny, Agent to the actor Jon Hamm: "Animated vintage Thunderbird with a talking dog, Martha, in the front seat with you, YES."

* Producer, PBS Kids Show, "Martha Speaks" :"No, Jon, Tina Fey WILL NOT be joining you on the show. I didn't rescue her at six o'clock in the morning in a house full of old dudes in Palm Springs in a Chartreuse stained shirt in '95."

* Jon Hamm, "Special" Guest Star, "Martha Speaks": "Since I'm locked in a sound booth all day, does this mean I get to pee inside Coke bottles like Leonardo DiCaprio?" Producer: "He was playing Howard Hughes" Jon Hamm: "Howard Whose?" Producer: "HUGHES!" Jon Hamm: "Never heard of the guy."

* Jon Hamm, "Special" Guest Star, PBS Kids Animated show, "Martha Speaks": "Can I at least pick some cool glasses or mustaches like I do for my Wii Avatars at home? On that same note, does my foray into cartoons mean I can finally meet Shaggy and Scooby? Since we are relying solely on my voice here, do I still sound cool and sexy? Or can you tell I'm really just a big dork with a comb over?"

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