Super Bowl Rant

Super Bowl Rant By: The Pool Hustler's Daughter

Closet Giants Fans

*Sorry, Gazelle, I mean Giselle, praying for Eli Manning

*And I'm really only knocking you because everyone (and by that I mean my friend Greg) knows Brazilian girls have the best asses, and I 'm just jealous.

*Tom Brady Baby Momma Bridget Moynahan also prays for Manning, Giants. Has hired Professor Snape from Harry Potter to sit in stands with magic wand.

*Leonardo DiCaprio – when not puffing smokeless cigarettes and kissing Scorseses ass; roots for Giants and a Tom Brady bad-helmet-head-hair-day in front of large audience.

*Mark Wahlburg – can't stand Tom Brady's immense height and the literal giant shadow he casts over him. #badirishblood

*Texas toddler touch football team named “The Shrimps.” “Hoping to be Giants one day” whines Petey, aka Snugglebear, 3 1/2.

*“Jolly” family members/Veggie Titans. “SuperBowl tickets musta got lost in the mail” laments one less-than Jolly, Green.

*Regis Philbin – hard to believe but he can actually root for a team other than Notre Dame.

*Hilary Clinton – she's hot for anything in shoulder pads, muscular calves, and a deep voice.

*Vladimir Putin – if he wins his his best today in Vegas, he will buy the natural gas reserve under Yankee Stadium

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