Super Bowl Rant By: The Pool Hustler's Daughter
Closet Giants Fans
*Sorry, Gazelle, I mean Giselle, praying for Eli Manning
*And I'm really only knocking you because everyone (and by that I mean my friend Greg) knows Brazilian girls have the best asses, and I 'm just jealous.
*Tom Brady Baby Momma Bridget Moynahan also prays for Manning, Giants. Has hired Professor Snape from Harry Potter to sit in stands with magic wand.
*Leonardo DiCaprio – when not puffing smokeless cigarettes and kissing Scorseses ass; roots for Giants and a Tom Brady bad-helmet-head-hair-day in front of large audience.
*Mark Wahlburg – can't stand Tom Brady's immense height and the literal giant shadow he casts over him. #badirishblood
*Texas toddler touch football team named “The Shrimps.” “Hoping to be Giants one day” whines Petey, aka Snugglebear, 3 1/2.
*“Jolly” family members/Veggie Titans. “SuperBowl tickets musta got lost in the mail” laments one less-than Jolly, Green.
*Regis Philbin – hard to believe but he can actually root for a team other than Notre Dame.
*Hilary Clinton – she's hot for anything in shoulder pads, muscular calves, and a deep voice.
*Vladimir Putin – if he wins his his best today in Vegas, he will buy the natural gas reserve under Yankee Stadium
A Pool Hustler's Daughter grows up in subterranean America. She dreams big, hustles daily and loves her Daddy. With empathy, fascination and grace she navigates and inhabits every tier of society; sees beauty and hope and magic in all things; respects and lives by the "mitzvah."
A Pool Hustler's Daughter calculates the trifecta payout at the racetrack, hides money on three parts of her body, has an arsenal of "Uncles," and keeps a baseball bat by the front door. She values friendship, loyalty and experiences over "things." Like her father, she seeks to learn "The secrets of the universe" and believes "Life ain't on the square." She applauds the self-made and those who learn to "overcome" their circumstances. Her door is always open for a sofa to sleep on, a hot meal, or an eager listener for a life story.